“She’s
cute,” Leo murmurs and runs his hand down Liv’s plump cheek. The baby
immediately grabs his finger and sticks it in her mouth.
“Here,
take her and I’ll get her some juice.”
“Whoa,
take her?” he takes a step back, his eyes suddenly scared. He’s hilarious.
“She’s
a baby, Leo, not a weapon of mass destruction.” I thrust the baby in his hands,
pull Livie’s sippy cup from her bag and head to the kitchen.
“Can
I put her on the floor with her toys?” he calls out to me.
“Sure,
just put a blanket down for her to crawl on.”
Damn,
he’s funny.
“I
think the baby is about to kill your cat,” Leo says dryly and I hurry back to
the living room while capping the cup to find Livie with a handful of the cat’s
fur, trying to put it in her mouth.
“Or
eat her,” I agree and laugh as Leo tries to untangle Liv’s tiny, and
surprisingly strong, grasp from my poor cat.
We
sit with her and entertain her with her toys for a while, chuckling at how cute
she is.
“This
isn’t too hard,” I tell him and he grins at me.
“Nah,
not too hard.” He runs his hand over her soft brown hair and then frowns.
“Wait, do you smell that?”
“No,”
I stop what I’m doing and sniff. “What is it?”
Leo
scowls and glances down at Liv, who’s grinning widely at him, slobber dripping
down her cute little chin. “I think she shit herself.”
“Stop
swearing in front of her.”
“Me
swearing is not our biggest problem right now.”
We
stare at each other for a minute and then he digs around in the diaper bag,
pulls out a diaper and wipes and hands them to me. “Here.”
“Why
do I have to do it?” I ask.
“Because
you’re her aunt. Duh.”
“I
don’t do poop.” I scowl down at the little girl, like she’s done this to me on
purpose.
“What
do you normally do when this happens and you’re watching her?”
“My
mom changes her.”
“Haven’t
you watched her alone before?” Now he’s laughing, Liv is laughing with him,
enjoying the joke, and I’m scowling at both of them.
“Dear
God, what did they feed her?” I hold my hand over my nose. “Don’t you know
how?”
“She’s
a girl. I’m not going to jail.”
“Don’t
be an idiot. You won’t go to jail for changing her diaper. You might go to jail
for not changing her diaper.”
“Come
on, Auntie Sammie,” he winks charmingly, “You got this.”
“Leo
is going to lose his manhood if he ever calls me Sammie again,” I tell Liv and
she giggles. Then, suddenly, it’s as if she realizes what she’s sitting in, her
pretty face crumbles and she starts to cry.
“Shit,
we need to change her.”
“I’m
calling Meg,” Leo pulls his phone out and dials Meg’s number.
“Why?”
“She’s
a nurse. She deals with crap all the time. Hey, I’m at Sam’s. There’s an
emergency, and I need you to come here asap. Uh huh. No, no ambulance, just
need your help. Okay thanks.” He hangs up and stuffs the phone back in his
pocket. “She’ll be right here.”
“You
totally just lied to her.”
“She’ll
be here in ten.”
It’s
the longest damn ten minutes of my life.
Finally,
the doorbell rings. The only reason I hear it is because Liv has taken a moment
to take a breath, thus giving us zero point three seconds of silence.
“Thank
God,” Leo pulls her into the apartment and she scowls when she sees the baby in
my arms.
“What’s
wrong with her?” she asks.
“She
has a shitty diaper,” Leo tells her.
“So
change her.”
“Leo’s
afraid he’ll be considered a pedophile and I don’t know how.”
Meg
takes the baby from my arms and stares back and forth at us, her face
incredulous. “Are you fucking kidding me? You said it was an emergency. I
worked all night last night, and you woke me up for this?”
“Don’t
you smell that? It is an emergency.”
“Jesus,
you two are worthless,” Meg finds the diaper and wipes, lays the baby on the
floor on her blanket, and gets to work. “This is nothing. At least she didn’t
blow out the diaper.”
“What
does that mean?” I ask, not sure that I really want to know.
“When
the poop goes up their back, into their hair, all over the place. Now that’s
gross.”
“Isn’t
the point of a diaper to catch the poop?” Leo asks, his hands on his hips,
frowning at Meg. “I mean, if they don’t do their job, what’s the point?”
Meg
laughs and snaps the baby’s jumper back in place, all clean and happy. “There,
all done.”
Liv
smiles and leans her head on Meg’s shoulder when Meg lifts her off the floor.
“This
is our secret,” I tell her. “Luke will never let me live it down if he finds
out that I couldn’t change her diaper.”
“It’s
fine,” Meg waves me off and hands me the baby. “Have you fed her?”
And,
as if on cue, Liv burps, spitting up whatever she had for lunch.
“I’m
so not having kids,” I mutter.
OMG! I'm like a laughing hyena right now. This is so so good, I need to share it =)
ReplyDeleteHaha that was great!
ReplyDeleteLove the snarkiness and banter of Leo and Sam! So excited!
ReplyDeleteFantastic!! For those who have kids, will totally relate. Looking forward to this one!! :)
ReplyDeleteOMG, This is awesome, cannot wait for release day!!! I laughed so hard.....
ReplyDeleteI am sooooo ready for this book!! Can we please have it like NOW???
ReplyDeleteJust literally LMAO!!!! Love it! Can't wait!
ReplyDeleteYeah! Love it:)
ReplyDeleteLol, that is funny..I dont cate who you are! I cant wait to get to know Leo and Sam but damn I love Meg!
ReplyDeleteSoooooooooooo funny, hurry up release date, looking forward to this book :-)
ReplyDeletethis is sooo Hilarious!! cant hardly wait for the rest of the book
ReplyDeleteThis is great!! Can't wait till May 2nd!!!
ReplyDeleteI'm so excited.
ReplyDeleteThat was sooooooo funny! I can't wait for this book. I'm still laughing!
ReplyDeleteLove it!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteThat was too funny that made my day
ReplyDeleteI cant wait
VERY FUNNY! Thank you.
ReplyDeleteAlmost as good as the bitcherlet party!! Too funny!! Cannot wait and thanks for the laugh.
ReplyDeleteOMG, I'm LOLing right now! Thanks for sharing :D
ReplyDeleteOMG! That is hilarious! Love it!
ReplyDeleteWhat a pair they are, perfect together.lol LMAO, can't wait to learn more about Leo and Samantha and their relationship.LOve the series and always happy to revisit the rest of the family.
ReplyDeleteThat was hilarious. I'm wiping tears from my eyes, I laughed so hard.
ReplyDeleteWhen does this come out?
ReplyDeletei am getting excited to read the full book on May 2nd!!!!!
ReplyDeleteI can't wait for this
ReplyDeleteHoly cow! This is so damn funny. I can't wait until May 2nd!
ReplyDeleteMay 2nd cant come soon enought
ReplyDeleteI just finished reading "Rock With Me". It was pretty good but I think Natalie & Luke's story will always be my favorite!! :). I so cannot wait until "Safe With Me" comes out...it won't be here soon enough! This is my absolute favorite series!!!
ReplyDelete